I’m not the most active person on the planet, and sport tends to bore me a little – with the exception of cricket (which is essentially drinking beer and eating cake in a field on a nice sunny day). However I am competitive and I do enjoy a challenge; therefore I have created an excellent new sport which can be played by one or more players. Inside. So there is no need to get wet, cold and muddy, and you can have a nice cup of tea whilst you rack up points. I call this sport Professional Indoor Jehovah’s Witness Baiting or PIJ-WiB for short. And it is sweet. I have compiled a guide to get you started and hopefully a league can be formed in the near future.
PIJ-WiB For Beginners
JWs have one mission when they come to your door. They care little if you are dressed or if your house is full of empty scotch bottles and dead hookers, all they care about is converting you and making you join their cult. The aim of PIJ-WiB is simple, convert the JWs to atheism. This is not an easy task and even the founder of PIJ-WiB has so far been unable to achieve this goal.
All is not lost however, as players can tot up points by performing various tasks – a list of tasks and points is shown below.
Starting the Match
Very simply, invite the JWs in, and offer them a nice cup of tea.
Scoring
- Referring to Jehovah’s Witnessing as a cult - 2pts (maximum of five times per match)
- Getting a JW to accept the existence of Dinosaurs – 5pts
- Getting a JW to accept the Earth is many billions of years old – 5pts
- Getting a JW to accept the Big Bang theory(ies) – 10pts
- Confusing a JW by reading literally a bible passage which they interpret – 15pts
- Confusing a JW by interpreting a bible passage which they read literally – 15pts
- Getting a JW to accept the theory of evolution – 50pts
If you manage to convert a JW to atheism then you score the super-max score of 250pts on top of any other points scored in the match.
Ending the Match
JWs aren’t allowed to leave until they are asked to leave, so to finish politely ask them to bugger off and stop wasting your time.
This sport really is good fun, and if you have any suggestions for tasks which earn points or if you wish to join the league then get in touch. Happy PIJ-WiBbing.
