I haven’t really written very much on this blog for quite some time, and I would have probably completely forgotten I had it at all if I hadn’t received an email from WordPress today, telling me someone called ‘Ludwig Konig’ had commented on my hugely controversial tour-de-force on the BNP.

Well, I’m back. And it’s all thanks to you Ludwig. Today is Ludwig Day – put that in your diary kids.

Ludwig, Ludwig, Ludwig. Now we’re friends can I call you fuck-tard? I’ll call you fuck-tard anyway – I don’t really need your permission. Let’s have a look at your comment, which I must say contributed very little and sounds like it was written by someone who lives alone and eats moths.

“Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in freedom of speech . . .” blah blah. The usual shit from the usual orifices.”

If it is just shit – why would I have approved your comment, and the others which disagree with me? Idiot. Also, I’m curious: what are the usual orifices? I shit through my bum-hole after eating. It appears, however, that you shit through your mouth after thinking. These are clearly two distinct orifices – which are you referring to?

Stewart hasn’t a clue about anything relating to the real issues under discussion at all

Really? Have you read what he posted? Or were there not enough pictures for you to make sense of it all? The idea of British identity is one which the BNP plays very heavily on – except they do so not through a sense of national pride, but rather through a collection of racist ideas and cod-science. This is what Stewart was talking about.

and you watch ‘BNP Wives’ and think it’s a revealing expose of the true face of British nationalist politics and values

Yes. As I recall it was a pretty in-depth and honest documentary. It was completely biased but when you sit down in front of something like that the keen-eyed viewer will be aware that they are only seeing one side of the coin. As I don’t have shit-for-brains I decided to do some research after watching the show – to find out how honest it was.

It was honest. As I said in the original post, BNP supporters are all close-minded racist retards.

I would like to hear from you again but perhaps next time you could be so kind as to further any discussion in a meaningful way. Moron.

I’ve been watching a lot of Jeremy Kyle recently what with being at home working on coursework and revision (I’m lucky enough to have a monitor for my PC which is also plugged into a Sky box, allowing me to work and have PiP Jeremy Kyle in the corner).  I’d like to point out that I do have a sort of ‘Jeremy Kyle ballcock’ in mind which stops me watching too much and turning into a complete couch potato.

However, no matter how much I watch, and how hard I think about it, I can’t decide if the JK show (and Jezza himself) is good, bad or somewhere in between.

On the negative side I have no doubt that Jezza and his cohorts exploit people, usually poorly educated and from the lower end of society, for entertainment. Using highly emotive language Jezza asks people to call his ‘important’ number, or text the word ‘trust’, ‘lie’, ‘pregnant’ or ‘impotent’ to the show with the aim of getting them on the telly and shouting at them. People who can barely count, and probably have difficulty knowing which end to do toilet from, are abused on TV because they feel that Jezza will make everything all right. I think it is worrying that instead of dealing with these problems on their own, people feel the need to air their dirty laundry, skid marks and all, in front of the nation.

I really am not trying to be rude, but when you see the calibre of ‘guests’ on the show it is hard to think they made an informed choice as to whether it is right for them to spill all on national TV. For example, my current favourite quote from one of Jezza’s guests goes as follows (I’ve changed the names in this ‘quote’ to protect the identity of the idiots involved and because I can’t remember them):

A DNA test was conducted to discover the father of a baby. The woman claimed to have had only one sexual partner. The DNA test results proved that her one sexual partner was not, in fact, the father of her baby.

Jezza: So you’re a filthy liar!

Shaz: No! I’m not a liar. Dean is the only man in world I’ve slept with ever n shit.

Jezza: Then how come he’s not the father! If he was the father, you scum; the DNA test would have said so!

Shaz: I’m not a liar; it is Dean’s baby n dat.

Jezza: Science has proved you’re a liar! Science! Liar!

Shaz: If it’s not Dean’s then I don’t know how it got inside me.

Jezza: So it was some kind of Immaculate Conception then?

Shaz: Yeah! They happen sometimes.

Okay, so that isn’t really a quote but the jist is there. This woman, who I have called Shaz, admitted on national telly that she believed that it was quite possible for Immaculate Conceptions to exist. How can a woman who believes she is carrying the Son of God be in a position to make an informed choice as to whether it would be a good idea or not to get help from a shouty man on telly?

Now; here is the defence. The Jeremy Kyle show does offer services and facilities to people which they may not otherwise be able to have – either because they cannot afford them or because they simply do not know they exist. I’m thinking along the lines of treatment for alcohol and drug dependency, marriage/relationship counselling and paternity tests (which do serve a purpose other than creating confrontation). Lie detector tests are pretty much useless and exist only to serve the show’s remit of creating shouting and confrontation.

The question everyone who watches this show, and others like it, need to ask themselves is this: Do the services and facilities offered justify the exploitation?

I myself am unsure; I am sure however that Jezza Kyle is an idiot.

I’m not the most active person on the planet, and sport tends to bore me a little – with the exception of cricket (which is essentially drinking beer and eating cake in a field on a nice sunny day). However I am competitive and I do enjoy a challenge; therefore I have created an excellent new sport which can be played by one or more players. Inside. So there is no need to get wet, cold and muddy, and you can have a nice cup of tea whilst you rack up points. I call this sport Professional Indoor Jehovah’s Witness Baiting or PIJ-WiB for short. And it is sweet. I have compiled a guide to get you started and hopefully a league can be formed in the near future.

PIJ-WiB For Beginners

JWs have one mission when they come to your door. They care little if you are dressed or if your house is full of empty scotch bottles and dead hookers, all they care about is converting you and making you join their cult. The aim of PIJ-WiB is simple, convert the JWs to atheism. This is not an easy task and even the founder of PIJ-WiB has so far been unable to achieve this goal.

All is not lost however, as players can tot up points by performing various tasks – a list of tasks and points is shown below.

Starting the Match

Very simply, invite the JWs in, and offer them a nice cup of tea.

Scoring

• Referring to Jehovah’s Witnessing as a cult - 2pts (maximum of five times per match)
• Getting a JW to accept the existence of Dinosaurs – 5pts
• Getting a JW to accept the Earth is many billions of years old – 5pts
• Getting a JW to accept the Big Bang theory(ies) – 10pts
• Confusing a JW by reading literally a bible passage which they interpret – 15pts
• Confusing a JW by interpreting a bible passage which they read literally – 15pts
• Getting a JW to accept the theory of evolution    – 50pts

If you manage to convert a JW to atheism then you score the super-max score of 250pts on top of any other points scored in the match.

Ending the Match

JWs aren’t allowed to leave until they are asked to leave, so to finish politely ask them to bugger off and stop wasting your time.

This sport really is good fun, and if you have any suggestions for tasks which earn points or if you wish to join the league then get in touch. Happy PIJ-WiBbing.