Ben Seager’s Weblog

I’ve just had the misfortune to tune into “Breakfast” on BBC One, presented by illuminiati Bill Turnball and Sian Williams. They were discussing a programme which is to be shown on BBC Two this evening called “What on Earth is wrong with Gravity?” The programme’s creator and presenter, Dr Brain Cox, was doing his best to explain to the resident BBC simpletons how gravity works – essentially that everything has mass, and it is this mass what does it. Poor, poor Bill and Sian – their little simian brains couldn’t get hold of this idea so they kept asking more and more irksome questions in attempt to vaguely understand what this scientist guy was talking about. I’ve included paraphrases of my favourite questions for your enjoyment.

My Favourite Bill Turnball Question:

So, you have said that everything causes gravity, like cups and people and shit. But what about the moon and planets, they have gravity and there’s no-one up there. What’s going on?

My Favourite Sian Williams Question:

Why, yeah, if the Earth has gravity and shit, yeah, did the asteroid, like, miss us?

If this level of retardation was found on a commercial channel I really wouldn’t have too much of a problem. The BBC however is funded through the licence fee and it isn’t acceptable in this day and age to have BBC news programmes presented by people who seem to have difficulty remembering which end they piss from until their trousers get wet.

If someone chooses to be a shemale, tranny, ladyboy or whatever I really don’t have a problem. If someone gets aroused by a shemale, tranny, ladyboy or whatever I really don’t have a problem. But I do have a question, who first thought “I’m bored and need money. Perhaps I’ll go and take some photos of a few pre-op male-to-female transsexuals and sell them to people.” And why did they think this? Did they think it was an easy way to keep the mind occupied and make some money?

I’m pretty sure that Mr Bubbles, or whatever the first purveyor of ladyboy porn was called, didn’t carry out extensive market research on the streets of towns and cities around the world.

Mr Bubbles: “Excuse me sir, do you have a few moments to answer a few market research questions?”

Joe Public: “Why yes I do.”

Mr Bubbles: “Are you a single gentleman sir?”

Joe Public: “Yes.”

Mr Bubbles: “And do you enjoy an evening’s pornography once in a while?”

Joe Public: “I’d be lying if I said no.”

Mr Bubbles: “Do you like pornography showing intercourse between men and women?”

Joe Public: “Yes”

Mr Bubbles: “How would you feel if the man and woman in your pornography were combined into one?”

Joe Public: “What, with eight limbs and two heads?”

Mr Bubbles: “No that would be weird; I’m talking about a woman with a dick.”

Joe Public: “Sounds OK to me.”

I’m pretty certain the sort of conversation outlined above never actually happened.

Also; after Mr Bubbles, or whoever, had taken his photos and managed to sell them to someone who would publish them onto the Internet did people find them? I’ve been watching TV for about 22 years now and I can honestly say I’ve never seen an advert for a shemale website. Confused.com is perhaps the closest we’re going to get – at least in my lifetime. How did the popularity of such sites spread? Word of mouth?

Sam: “Hi mate, good weekend?”

Bill: “Yeah not bad, spent most of the time surfing the net”

Sam: “See any good porn?”

Bill: “As it happens, I did. I found a site which catered for my every need – and could do the same for you.”

Sam: “Big tits was it?”

Bill: “No my friend. Shemales.”

Sam: “Shemales? Are they some kind of woman with a penis – that is a fantasy I’ve been having for years but I would have never imagined that they actually existed. My goodness when I get home I too will look at pictures of shemales, and probably pay for the privilege.

Can’t see that happening to be honest. I can understand curiosity drawing people to the strange world of the ladyboy – in the same way the Victorians would pay to see people with horrible deformities dancing for pennies. But to subscribe to one of the thousands of web-sites devoted to this topic – surely there isn’t a large enough market. Or maybe there is….

Finally, they’re not chicks with dicks they’re men with boobs.

Not entirely sure why, but I thought I’d start a web-log.

A lot of stuff makes me angry, not Incredible Hulk angry, but angry all the same and I think I will abuse freedom of speech online to vent my various frustrations.